Growing pains.

When I was a preteen I often caught my mother saying I was having some growing pains. I was mildly unintelligent when I stopped to think about that statement every time I heard it, because what I thought she meant was I was in pain.. from growing. Some years later now I know what she meant, I was a royal pain in the ass as a preteen. I often times did the opposite of whatever my mother told me to do, just get an explosive reaction. I would push the limits every time and whenever I got an answer out of my mother that I didn’t want I would throw temper tantrums like your obnoxious toddler does in the middle of the grocery store because you won’t purchase them any chocolates. I recall my mother reacting with usually one statement, that statement always being “I hope you have a little girl JUST LIKE YOU!” in which I would respond “ME TOO, cause I’m pretty awesome!” Now that I’m 21 and I view my mother much differently I see what she was getting at, and if I could go back in time I would say “Oh please no, don’t wish that upon me!”. To say I was a terrible child may be an understatement. My mother is an amazing woman for not kicking me to the curb during that time. I am grateful for that generosity.

I suppose I don’t understand the unconditional love a parent has for their children, even if their children are little assholes. But as per my mother’s wishes, I will hopefully one day find that out, so that I can fully understand that love. When I marry, if I marry and when or if I decide to procreate, I will be lucky to have my mother as my children’s grandmother. My mothers mom was such a beautiful spirit, and I know my mother will be the same to my children. The knowledge of having your mother there through everything is something that can not be bought, can not be replicated. Then when you have the experience of your mother demonstrating that unconditional love, it seems like that knowledge didn’t even begin to grasp how important and wonderful it is. When ever I doubt myself wanting children, I think of my mom. Having the opportunity to be like my mother was to me, to finally have someone be a jerk to me and to look at them and still say I love you to them.

My mom is pretty amazing. When I was a senior in high school I wanted to get out of pre-calculus mathematics. I had a math teacher tell me my junior year that I would like it, I now see she was just trying to save her job. However, I was the typical senior. I had senioritis and a bad attitude towards a free education. I was told dropping math would be impossible and that I would have to muddle my way through it. I did not. My mother walked into that school, beautiful and strong as always with bluntfulness and tact that I dare to replicate on a daily basis, and got me out of mathematics that year. This memory is a memory I want to replicate with one of my kids. My mom was a hero that day. Another fond memory I have of my mother dates back to fifth grade. I was brutally pushed to the back of the school bus by a husky boy that smelled like bad body odor because I said something to him. My mother didn’t call the school, she called the boys mom. Again, my mom was a hero that day. To a more recent memory of recovery. Recently I have had some medical problems that has pushed me into having three surgeries on my left ankle and foot. I had to make the tough decision to quit my job that I had on my feet and to make the brave decisions of surgery after surgery. This past year has been rough, but I have made it through this year with out losing too much of my sanity because of my mother. With a lack of a paycheck and bills to pay, my parents take care of my bills. With out a paycheck and a raging desire for caffeine and greek yogurts, my mother supplies both of these without question. Without a pay check and a social life, my mother hands me money each week to supply this social life. Again, my mother is a hero.. but more over a saint in my eyes.

I love you mom. I can’t say that enough to make it seem like enough. I am grateful for everything you have down and for all that you do and will continue to do. Thank you for showing me what unconditional love is and for never giving up hope on me. I owe to you my successes in life, my happiness and most of all my drive to not give up when the going gets rough. Thank you.

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