My struggle is real

If life were easy, what would be the point?

In moments of great frustration I speak these words out loud to myself until I don’t just hear the words coming from my mouth, but I comprehend the words coming from my mouth. I don’t know why life throws such ridiculous curve balls at me, but I’ve learned over the years to not dodge them, but to get a good glove and try to catch them. Going through life dodging and ducking from hardships is going to lead to a life of exhaustion and feeling of failure. Embracing hardships is exhausting, but working through them and doing what is right in the end has a quirky feeling of success in the end.

Being a late bloomer as a college student when I was 18, at 23 as a college student in undergrad still I’m making up for it ten fold. It took a life altering medical diagnosis, that wasn’t life threatening but life changing, to knock this lazy apathetic kid into ragingly busy and aggressively ambitious “adult”. “Adult” is in quotes because I don’t want to be an adult, but I am.  My days recently consist of waking up well before the birds start chirping, and yes in -15 degree weather the birds still chirp, to actively get ready while my mind focuses on the day a head. I leave my house between 5:30 and 6:30 to work full time in Sales.  I’m constantly driving and talking, and introducing myself and selling and being wildly charismatic all. freaking. day.  After I am done with work I usually head straight to school where I sit in a lecture for 3 to 5 hours and learn about business or finances. Then I usually get home between 9:30 and 10pm and realize the bagel I ate at 6:30 this morning didn’t have the full days worth of calories I should be intaking, let alone the servings of fruit, vegetable and protein I need as well. While I plan for the next day I cram food into my mouth then I usually plan my outfit for the next day, pack my bags and head to bed.

When I was 20 I didn’t work and I didn’t go to school. In fact I sat on my butt and recovered from surgeries while I did nothing but drink coffee, watch Ellen or Law and Order SVU. I did this for a year, A YEAR PEOPLE. And while in my present life I find myself with struggles I sit here writing this thinking about the most difficult times in my life and it was when I felt like I didn’t have a purpose in the present. I know now that my purpose for when I was 20 was self healing and self loving. The struggle of losing a major joint in my ankle while developing severe arthritis in my knee and hip from a birth defect was the biggest struggle I had ever dealt with.  The subsequent recovery time in which I could only sit around seemed to be the bigger struggle that took me the three years after that time to truly overcome. And yet there are still days, like when it’s a pleasant -15 degrees outside, that I find myself still at day one of that struggle. I know that I’m not, but sometimes life rewinds and any progress I think I made comes to a dead halt.

I often find myself writing about purpose, and how we all have a purpose. I do this because it’s true, and also that was a major struggle I had not that long ago, recognizing my purpose and loving myself in spite of my purpose not being as cool as a fighter pilots purpose. I am fortunate to have a solid support system, and while they don’t always necessarily understand what it is that is in my brain, they are there for me to verbally punch if I need to, or even if hugs make everyone uncomfortable in my family, they’d still offer one if I needed it. I guess the point I’m trying to get at is as long as you are a human you will struggle. Some of your struggles are bigger than others. You may think no one understands or that you are alone, but you aren’t. Your struggles are unique to you so no one is going through the exact same thing, but everyone is going through something therefore there is a bond in that.

Open your heart to someone else’s struggles, have patience in your most frustrating moments and comprehend the words “If life were easy, what would be the point?”.

Love with relentless joy and recognize the reality of your struggle.


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