Alone On New Years

While the title may seem like I’m a lame single loser, it’s quite the opposite. Don’t get me wrong, I had plans- I chose to stay home, alone. Let me state first I am unbelievably grateful for all of the people in my life and my choice to stay home was not a reflection on who they are to me. I love you all very, very much.

On to my lame night in. 2015 was a difficult year, but as I sit here in my pj’s with a glass of wine I reflect on the joy that 2015 brought to me. Earlier this week I was jonesing for plans for tonight, the thought of sitting at home alone- scared and saddened me.  However, choosing to stay home after a long few weeks is undoubtably the best choice I could make.  Two weeks ago I graduated college with a Bachelors, I spent months down playing the accomplishment since it took me nearly 6 years to accomplish.  Today I celebrated that seemingly underwhelming accomplishment with a toast to myself and a promising future.  This is the first New Years I’ve spent actually reflecting on the past year with genuine positivity and I couldn’t have done that anywhere else but in my pjs, in my home, alone.

Reflecting on 2015 I first thought about everything I did wrong and all of my regrets, I quickly realized that every “wrong doing” I did lead me to today, lead me to this moment and lead me to this peace.  While I can say I could do many things differently and in retrospect, may have made other choices, I’m glad everything played out the way it did. It’s really easy to dwell on the bad moments, but recognizing the proud moments, even if they are rare, is where the joy of life rests. I have recognized the moments I am proud of.  My proudest 2015 moment is pushing through my last semester in school even though I was one emotional breakdown away from quitting.  A Bachelors degree in this day in age may not be the biggest accomplishment, however for a kid who is notorious for being a terrible student, it was a huge accomplishment. Celebrate the little things.

2016 holds a promise, a promise I have dedicated myself to fulfilling.  This promise in it’s simplest form is to find happiness in the darkest days, to feel loved and to love, to accept the help I need and to give the help that is needed and lastly, to be the person I was intended to be in 2016. Reading that back to myself sounded rather corny, but it’s the truth I seek for myself for 2016. I don’t know where 2016 will lead me, be I hope to find success when I get there.

 

Being alone on New Years Eve isn’t lame, or sad- it’s promising and peaceful. Cheers to 2016, stay classy people.

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